myFOXnepa.comNo longer a husband, but still a dad: Helping your kids through divorce

No longer a husband, but still a dad: Helping your kids through divorce

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Make your children's needs a priority to help them adjust to the changes and challenges of divorce.© iStockphoto.com Make your children's needs a priority to help them adjust to the changes and challenges of divorce.© iStockphoto.com

By Laurie Sammeth, Contributing Writer, myOptumHealth

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When you have kids, there's a lot more to divorce than splitting up your assets and closing the joint checking account. Your role as husband may be ending, but you will forever remain the dad to your children. Make your children's needs a priority to help them adjust to the changes and challenges of divorce.

Follow these tips to help your kids deal with the divorce:

  • Tell them about the divorce together with your wife. Let them know that you will always be their parents and will always love them. Answer any questions they may have and try to address their concerns. Impress upon them that the divorce is not their fault.
  • Treat your ex-wife with respect. Don't have arguments or badmouth her in front of your children. They need both parents in their lives and they need you both to be civil.
  • Don't use your children to get back at your ex. If you don't have residential custody, keep to your agreed-upon visitation schedule and make all of your child support payments on time. Don't pump your kids for information about their mom or complain to them about her parenting practices. Don't ask your kids to relay messages to your ex.
  • Help your children feel secure. Develop a comfortable routine for the time when they are with you. Talk to your ex about setting rules and discipline practices that you both follow. Let your kids have their own space and belongings in each home.
  • Expect some bad behavior as your kids work out their feelings about the divorce. This is a normal reaction, and it should get better with time. Don't be afraid to discipline them when needed. Children still need boundaries, and consistent ones will provide some stability and comfort.
  • Get them help if they need it. Your kids may need some professional help if they are:
    • Having trouble in school or doing their usual activities
    • Afraid to be away from you
    • Having sleeping or eating problems
    • Moody, guilt-ridden or down all the time
    • Showing changes in their personality or acting younger than they are
    • Fearful or doing things compulsively

How well you and your ex-wife can put aside your differences and cooperate may play a big part in how well your kids get through the divorce and get on with their lives.

View the original No longer a husband, but still a dad: Helping your kids through divorce article on myOptumHealth.com 

SOURCES:

  • Mental Health America. Coping with separation and divorce.
  • American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Children and divorce.
  • Safer Child, Inc. Safer child's tips on divorce separation.
  • American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Managing conflict during divorce.
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